All too often I get a call from a potential new family telling me, “my child doesn’t want to talk. I know they understand me but they just wont speak.” My follow up question to these statements is always, “do you place demands?”
Placing demands are a crucial part to development. The reality is, if you are not asking your child to “say” what they are requesting but giving it to them when they point, gesture, or pull you then you are telling them that this mode of communication works because they are getting what they want.
For some children, depending on where they are in their language development, pointing and/or gesturing is absolutely appropriate, however once it has been established that they are capable of doing that it is time to push them past this level of communication and on to the next.
The first time you try this, ask your child what they want and allow them to point to the object, lets say it’s an apple, give it to them immediately and praise them by saying something like “good job asking for the apple!”
After your child is doing this consistently come down to eye level and ask them, “do you want the apple? Say apple.” Make sure they are looking at your mouth, and chances are they won’t say apple, or even "a," but you may notice a small movement in their lips, like opening of the mouth, accept that! This is an approximation for the word! Give them the apple and once again praise them!
The child has to learn what is expected of them in order to receive what they want, the apple. The adult also has to learn when to positively reinforce the behavior by giving them the desired item and praising them. The best times to try this is when you have the time to follow through and are in a low stress setting. The process may not go smoothly, and definitely requires lots of patience but it is well worth it!
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